Getting Into It

Sometimes when I start a book, it takes me a couple of chapters to really get into the story. There’s often a lot of exposition, which is important, but can be tedious and a little more time-consuming than I feel is necessary. However, these stories are usually my favorite to reread so that I can see how all of the puzzle pieces presented in those first chapters come together at the end of the novel. This is how I’ve been viewing Nashville so far. I’ve been here for a little over a month and a part of me feels as though I haven’t accomplished what I should have accomplished by now. After all, when I completed that month in NY, I'd had dance, vocal, and acting training paired with an Off-Off Broadway 15-minute musical role to show for it. At the end of those 4 weeks, I felt unstoppable! At the end of this month, I feel exhausted. (And I have yet to cross paths with the other HH)

Please note that this entry is not an outlet for me to complain about the less than ideal situations I have found myself in thus far, but rather a page to comment on the idea of expectations. You see, when I visited back in May, everything was perfect. I had meetings with people in the music industry and high hopes that this was where I was meant to be. I am not saying that it isn’t anymore (I still firmly believe that I am in TN for a reason), but I thought that the transition would be seemingly effortless. After all, I had lived elsewhere before. I had traveled, made friends, adapted well in the past – why would this be different? I had successfully written and recorded music. I had a website! People came to my coffee shop performances in LA those two times! Why wouldn’t everything fall into place here? What a skewed view we often have – we expect immediate results in a world that demands instant gratification. So much so, that we have forgotten what it’s like to wait. To sit. To trust.

I arrived in the city after a week-long road trip with my fantastic mom who drove Indy the majority of the way.  Meanwhile, my wonderful dad was keeping up the shares and likes for my music on Facebook and taking care of my precious pup while I was away. I was ready, excited, and nervous, but confident in the road ahead. I did not expect to have difficulty finding an apartment, job, and connections within the first couple of weeks. (Ha ha ha) That’s another thing I’m learning about myself – I’m allowed to tell others that there is no rush – that timing is everything and they’ve done so much already and should be proud! I comfort my friends with words of inspiration, but leave an empty snap cup for myself. I put way more pressure on myself than I need to. (It’s been a month. Why hasn’t Lady A heard “Dance Another” yet? Quit slacking, girl!) ☺

In an effort to help me learn to slow down a little, hiccups starting popping up everywhere. I was bitten by something in the first two weeks and have been a walking medical mystery ever since. Instead of Writers’ Nights, I was attending medical clinics for possible sinus infections, mono, tick-borne illnesses, etc. etc. In addition to this, my car broke down 3 different times and suddenly, money that I had put in an emergency fund was gone in the first month. I had applied to a number of jobs, but had received no calls to come in. Very quickly, I began to feel stuck. I went out when I could, but when I thought I would pass out after running a 20-minute errand, I started to shut myself in. I would instead come up with clever quips on Facebook and browse Pinterest for ideas on decorating my apartment one day – preferably when I have a couch. I was so wrapped up in the little things that seemed to be going wrong that I wasn’t able to read between the lines and see just how these things were laying the foundation I actually needed here.

When I think back on the month now, I see this: I released a new music video thanks to a crew of talented designers, a great director, and actors I am lucky enough to call my friends. I picked up my guitar more often than I ever had and learned two new chords. I may have made them up, but they work for some of the lyrics I’ve been jotting down. I spent a lot of time e-mailing and calling those I’d hoped to meet with in Music City. I went for a walk around Radnor Lake. I made new friends who met me for dinner and took me down on Broadway and introduced me to new local artists when I just needed to get out of my apartment. And slowly, but surely, I began to realize that my days didn’t seem so out of control. I found churches with sermons that met me right where I was and hit me with words that I didn’t realize I needed to hear. I’ve spoken to my incredible friends and family back home often and find that I am still supported in this crazy dream I am chasing. AND I’ve made acquaintances with the cats next door and am slowly gaining their trust day by day!

Truly, though - I look at what our world is currently enduring and I think, “If I got to see the sunrise on my porch this morning, I am grateful. I have another day.” Change is hard. Change can be good and changing your perspective can change everything. Coming here, I expected something radically different. I’m so thankful things didn’t go according to plan because this is sure to make a great song someday. Don’t you think?