Time to Work

Time has been flying by! I hadn't even realized that I'd been neglecting my writing for nearly 3 months! As we enter the holiday season, I'm sure updating will not get easier, but I am more determined than before to continue this online journal. A lot has happened in those last few months. Since my last post, I have completed more than half of a quarter of a songwriting class, have written and recorded three songs, and played my first gig at a public wine bar. I'm feeling scared and excited and bold at the prospect of creating a music career! For so long, I considered that my calling was musical theater and acting. Yet, things fell through left and right! Sure, I still have the desire to do it all, but this Fall, I feel focused on writing and establishing myself as an artist first. The rest shall follow - I have no doubt in my mind. (Like Ryan Tedder - he's an artist in his own right, but he also writes on so many other popular artists' records!) The trouble I've been having lately is figuring out the right people to speak with about getting my music out there. I am currently trying to get a website up, put music on iTunes, and talk to as many people in the industry as possible to get my foot in the door. I plan to relocate to Nashville, TN for a few months so that I may be surrounded by music and opportunity. However, this can't happen until next year - I'd like to have some money in the bank before I go and I have been blessed with job opportunities through April. Still, I know this is something I need to do. I feel led/called and there's no stopping me now :) And to think this all started with, "What if?" Perhaps this is the main thought of the entry: "What if?" has now become "Why not?" I'm done waiting and playing it safe. Especially when I trust that God is on my side! I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So here's to taking the next step! Pardon the short entry. Until next time!

Expressions

It turns out that I'm not so great at keeping up with blogs, but a good amount of stuff has been happening around here. So, I'll just say that staying busy has kept me away from my electronic journaling. I've been learning some lessons this week and have been forced to, again, reevaluate the way I think. I audited an acting class on Thursday and really liked what it had to offer. While his method of teaching was very similar to the one I had grown up learning and I related to it, it was what he mentioned in his lecture that truly spoke to where I am at the moment. He mentioned getting frustrated by actors holding back, not making choices, and beating themselves up over imperfect performances. I knew the other end of that feeling all too well. He made everyone - including the auditors - stand up and walk around the room with our chests out and heads high. We were told to expand our energy rather than contract it. "But if we walked around like this all the time, we'd look weird! People would stare and judge us and stuff..." Wrong. True, they may judge for a hot second, but then they would forget about it and go about their daily lives. Because really, aren't we all just going about our days and worrying about ourselves? Most of the thoughts in our mind relate to us or how someone is affecting us, what we feel, etc. etc. I realized that I will spend more time worrying about what someone else thinks of a choice I made instead of learning from that lesson and moving on. I dwell on EVERYTHING and it has done NOTHING for me. (Especially this week!) So I took these revelations home with me and applied them to an audition I had on Friday morning. I talked to those waiting to audition. I tried to get the bitterness of competition out of the air by simply conversing. We're all in this business - we know how it is. Why should we look at everyone as if they are out to get you? There are a lot of talented people out there. If they fit the role, then great! An incredible friend of mine once put it this way: "We are all expressions of God." No two people are alike. We do our best to book the role or get the promotion, but we should be happy for those who do get the part because they are where they are supposed to be. There must be something else for you. Something better-suited to what you need. All you can do is present yourself in the best way possible. I'll tell you - I haven't felt so good about an audition in a while. I walked in confidently, knowing that I have trained, worked hard, and that I possess the talent necessary to belong in that audition room. I got a callback. And that's when I allowed myself to let fear creep in. I was concerned that because Friday was so great, Saturday might not be. I was so focused on the fact that my performance might not be as good this time that I sabotaged my own audition. I made semi-strong choices reading the sides, and then hesitated (mid-audition) because I was unsure if they were what the casting director was looking for. I was looking for their validation instead of trusting myself enough to get through the audition without holding back. I walked out of there feeling less than thrilled with my performance. It was only after talking to that same incredible friend that I realized that a lesson was to be learned from this experience. Perhaps this wasn't the show I was meant to be in, but I know now that I will never hesitate again in an audition room - no matter what. I will stick with my choices. Besides, I had to remember that I was already making progress compared to the last few auditions I'd had. Here I was, a nonunion actress just out of school, getting called back for a union show in L.A. I should feel good! Yet, somehow, I can't seem to allow myself to feel decent about this accomplishment because I'm not booking. I'm always looking for the next step - the next level and I'm not enjoying the moments that are making up my life! Moments like: Friday night, I went to karaoke with friends and got people at the bar to clap along as I sang. Shouldn't making them smile through a performance be just as satisfying as a really good audition? After all, we're all people. Even in that fun setting, I still questioned my performance after I sang. Was I pitchy? What if the people around me thought I couldn't sing? It didn't matter. Those "audience members" went back to enjoying their friends' company and having a good Friday night. I would bet that none of them went home and thought, "Tonight was a good night...except, that girl who sang was a little off key in that one part of the song." So I'm learning from this and taking it with me to my next audition, job interview, or karaoke bar. I'm trusting in what I've been taught and what God has provided. I'm putting in the effort to do more, but I'm also learning to be in the moment. Be hopeful for tomorrow, but don't forget about today. (Though, I think I'm allowed to be excited for tomorrow. It is my birthday, after all!) I'm a little more all over the place in this entry, but I'm trying not to edit myself as much. Thanks for reading :) Enjoy your day!

And Continues with a Conversation

Well...in true Heather fashion, I have put off documenting my experiences this week. But it is Sunday now, and I can relax and reflect back on the last few days. I have been successful in some areas and have failed in others - such is life. Though, I have been more aware of my thoughts and have been a lot more careful with what I say and put out into the world as of late. However, I have also been less cautious when it comes to actually speaking to people I don't know. (I'm not sure if this is making much sense - let me give examples.) I was so pumped for this challenge and on Thursday, I threw myself into it. I had written a song for a friend of mine who is currently battling cancer. It sat, untouched, for days; there was nothing to it but lyrics an chords. I had thought about recording it so that she would be able to hear it. It's amazing what doors can open when you simply ask around and do something you find to be important. On Wednesday, I called up a good friend who I have written, recorded, and sung with and asked him for this favor. We were in his studio the very next day. He created an acoustic guitar melody that matched my chord progression and we got the short song onto a music file. I was able to go home that day, burn the file onto a CD and get it to her ASAP. (By the way, Josh, she loved it!) Let me tell you that it only made me want to do more. I wasn't sitting around! I was getting stuff done! However, I knew I wanted to pace myself so that this would be a challenge that would last longer than just a week. So that night, I danced around in my kitchen while baking cookies and chatting with friends that I hadn't seen in a while. I had some great conversations with people that, I'll confess, I am sometimes unsure about messaging due to the fact that I haven't spoken to them in quite some time. Perhaps, that is the beauty of friendship in a technologically-advanced world. You really can just pick up where you left off. And to think that I wouldn't have heard encouraging words or silly statements from these friends out of fear things may be awkward after a certain amount of time has passed. What conversations are you missing out on due to fear? People are incredible. Everyone has their own story to tell. Sometimes I worry about fitting in. I don't know you. I shouldn't really speak to you. I'm not suggesting that "stranger danger" is a thing of the past, but you'd be surprised at how starved for good conversation some people seem to be. (Myself included) Yesterday, I stopped into Coffee Bean to grab an iced latte. The barista asked me if I was having a good day and seemed genuinely interested in my answer. There were no other customers waiting, so I responded and asked her the same question. She mentioned that she was excited to go home and spend the rest of the day with her son. We discussed the fact that he liked the arts and I told her that I had a degree in the arts. We started talking about music as The Cranberries came on the radio; I mentioned that my a capella group in high school covered one of their tunes which led to her writing down the name of the group so that she could look us up and spread the word. She agreed that these programs should be kept in schools - perhaps it would make a better world for her son. I don't know where the rest of the day or weekend took her, but what if that conversation encouraged her to talk to her son's school about a singing group? Maybe I'm dreaming, but she definitely brightened my day; I hope I had brightened hers as well. A similar thing happened at a local pub last night. I was meeting one of my good friends for drinks. I showed up, but he was running a bit late due to the fact that he had stopped to help a stalled car on the 405. (He may have been 30 minutes late, but I couldn't really blame him for being a good Samaritan...) All I really wanted to do as I waited at the table was mess around on my phone until he showed up. The shy part of me wanted to stay in my own little world until my friend came, but another part of me thought about what people did in bars before smart phones were glued to our palms. So, I ordered a whiskey sour and struck up a conversation with those around me. I talked with a few people about everything from music and acting, best places in which to live, traveling, and perspectives on the world. The minutes flew, and I found myself joking and being comfortable in this unfamiliar place. My friend showed up and we got to catch up just the same. Yet, I feel that I got more out of my night by making the decision to interact with more people instead of just my phone. Later that evening, without really worrying about how odd it may sound, I told a guy who had come to the table that he had really cool eyes. (They were insane!) I think if you have something nice to say, you should say it! He ended up joining the conversation and we now have a contact up in San Francisco if we ever want to visit. Of course, this weekend is merely the beginning. I have written letters to a few people - letters that I had always planned to send, but never did. They're going in the mail tomorrow. I have auditions this week. I will prepare and just go for it - without fear. This is my goal for the next few days. I'm hoping it won't be too long before I recount what happens next :) Thanks for reading - now go out there and have a conversation with someone new or an old friend! Just get talking!

It Starts with a Thought

I have a lot of ideas. Most of them never venture outside of my head. I think about what I can do to make the world a little brighter, get excited about the endless possibilities, and then I simply move on to the next idea without turning the aforementioned thought into some kind of reality. I'm a recent college graduate and have been biding my time reading and thinking hard about all that I want to do in the next year without really taking the steps to do so. I'm an aspiring singer/songwriter and yet my lyrics really haven't left the top of my piano. (My dog thinks they're nice - at least, she's never told me otherwise...) I've also studied theater and film for years and yet I convince myself that I have to reach a certain level as an actor/person/body type before I can submit myself for bigger projects. So I'll put things off and leave them as great "what-ifs" and "tomorrows". I recently had the pleasure of grabbing lunch with a former acting coach and good friend of mine. When I explained to her my frustration with feeling stuck, she brought up an interesting point: perhaps I was just as afraid of success as I was of failure. How would my life change if someone else heard my music and wanted to get it out there? Would I be worried that I wouldn't live up to casting directors' expectations once they hired me? Is it really better to stay and wait until someone finds me out instead of actively pursuing what I've always dreamed of? This got me thinking...again. So, she challenged me to start doing whatever it is I was thinking about - no matter how silly the ideas may be. She suggested that I do it for a week, but if all goes well, I may think about continuing this journey for a couple of months, even. Perhaps, eventually, expressing myself in this way will become a normal thing for me. It's a risk. Maybe nothing will come of it, but at least I will have done something. While my mind has been active, my person has been idle and I'm simply not having it any longer. When I feel inspired, I don't want to keep that feeling inside anymore. Therefore, for the next week, I will keeping this blog to document it all - for accountability's sake. I'm sure my friends will keep me honest when they see me. I would hope that they would ask me if a specific idea has come to fruition. This way of thinking paired with my belief that with God, all things are possible, there really doesn't seem to be a downside to this. Here's to the thought process and beyond! I'll let you know how it goes :) After all, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ― Henry Ford So, Laura, I accept your challenge. Please keep in mind that it is currently 1:30 AM. Some of this may sound like a rambling on of sorts. I hope this still makes sense in the morning. Day 1: I thought about creating this blog and sharing it with my friends. How am I doing so far?